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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28635789">you broke my heart again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cracklesnaple/pseuds/cracklesnaple'>cracklesnaple</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>mcyt shorts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:00:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28635789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cracklesnaple/pseuds/cracklesnaple</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy sees how happy Ranboo is with Phil and he's so glad for his friend. He really is. He just wishes his dad cared that much about him too. </p>
<p>(Coming at you with some angst regarding the sbi and how Phil shows more care for Ranboo than he ever did for Tommy)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS - Relationship, angst time bby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>mcyt shorts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you broke my heart again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was inspired by "everything stays right where you left (me)" by yesternight! Please go check it out it legitimately made me ugly sob it's so good. </p>
<p>Remember that this is all just roleplay and everyone on the dsmp are just acting!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy doesn’t know why he’s letting this affect him so much. It isn’t like he didn’t expect this, didn’t see it coming from those first few nights he had been taken in. Younger Tommy, still starstruck at these three amazing people had adopted him into their small family, hadn’t been willing to see. He had blinded his eyes and focused only on the positives; he no longer had to root around trash bins for food, no longer had to freeze in the cold of night anymore.</p>
<p>This Tommy, though, has been through more wars than he can count. Has died too many times for a kid his age and has lived through countless betrayals that still cut deep into his heart. This Tommy isn’t sure if he even has a heart anymore, if there’s anything left past the shrapnel of betrayal and isolation. This Tommy is more accustomed to seeing the worst in people than looking for a shred of hope.</p>
<p>Now, Tommy sees the way Technoblade’s eyes harden whenever they land on him. How this warrior and god that Tommy used to call brother thinks he’s useless - he is - and destroys him time after time after time. He sees Wilbur’s eyes as he descends into madness. Sees the disgust every time Tommy enters a room and knows that his other brother held no love for him, maybe he never did. Tommy can see, all too clearly, the fatigue that lines Phil’s shoulders whenever he’s forced to talk to him, <strike>his youngest son</strike> a troublemaker, a problem child.</p>
<p>And this Tommy knows, in the wake of the destruction of his nation yet again, that those three never cared about him. They saw a young scavenger in a town and took pity on it. Dressed it up and whispered sweet words to make it feel loved while they waited for the day they no longer had to deal with it.</p>
<p>Tommy sits huddled against the harsh walls of netherrack, overlooking a lake of lava and wills the tears to stop. Sobs break through his walls as his world comes crumbling down. He deserves it, he knows. He’s nothing but a useless disgrace of a child. A problem child that gets into too many fights and starts shit and is completely unlovable.</p>
<p>He can’t help remember the way Ranboo’s smiles seemed to get infinitely brighter after Phil took him in and Tommy is so happy his friend finally got the family he deserves. His heart twists violently in his chest, something close to jealousy flaring through his nerves, but Tommy ignores it.</p>
<p>He deserves it, Tommy tells himself as he rocks himself and tries to calm the sobs and tears. He brought this on himself. It’s just like everyone always told him. He’s a liability, useless, selfish, and everything in between.</p>
<p>Ranboo deserves a family, deserves to be surrounded by people who care for him and won’t stab him in the back. <strike>Don’t you deserve that too?</strike> But he sees the way Phil looks <em>so</em> much happier with the enderman hybrid than he ever had by Tommy’s side and he aches. His heart holds so much that Tommy knows it will be the death of him because he also knows he will never be loved the way he loves others. This is a fact that has been proven every day of his life and he doesn’t know why he ever thought it’d be different.</p>
<p>The lava looks as inviting as it did during those first days of exile and Tommy longs for the feeling of warmth. Crushing heat surrounds him and burns lungs that have already been slashed and burned until Tommy can barely breathe. He gasps in breaths he doesn’t want as his body struggles to get air amongst his sobs and Tommy wishes everything would just go away.</p>
<p>He can’t stop himself as his body moves closer to the pool of lava below him. Even a hundred feet in the air, heat wafts off the bubbling substance and warms Tommy’s bare feet. Blood drips from the soles of his feet, his wounds from the bombs have been left untreated. Tommy had run away the second it was all over, no longer being able to bear the breaking of his heart once again as the last dredges of his family were taken from him.</p>
<p>Tommy thinks of Clara. Thinks of her soothing song and how lonely she must feel up in space all by herself. He wonders if she wants company but immediately dismisses that thought. If she did want company, she definitely wouldn’t want some messed up kid bothering her.</p>
<p>He wonders if death is peaceful or if he would come back as a shell of himself like Wilbur. Tommy doesn’t want that, he wants to finally be able to rest but he knows death wouldn’t be that kind to him. Without a doubt, when Tommy loses his last life, he’ll be brought back as a ghost just so he can witness everyone move on without him and forget about him.</p>
<p>The lava just seems so, so inviting that it takes Tommy years to move from this spot, but he does. He resolves himself to a death at the hands of those who have broken him. He thinks they deserve to at least have the victory of getting rid of him themselves.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are no words to describe how disappointed I am in c!Phil during this last arc. Like???? He so obviously has just ignored c!Tommy for his entire latest arc and then says that he's mad at c!Dream for what he did to Tommy then goes and sides with Tommy's abuser and tries to justify it???? Then adopts Ranboo and immediately shows him more care than he showed Tommy during the entire time he's been on the smp???? Like yeah, c!Tommy would definitely be a little messed up from all this. </p>
<p>I promise I'm working on the next part in the fall of a hero, I swear! I just crave angst right now so I'm trying to get it out of my system!</p>
<p>Hope you all enjoyed! Love you and stay safe! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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